Sunday, September 05, 2010

‎"10 things I hate about you"...dedicated to Lucille Roberts

I hate...

‎...that you cover every fucking inch of wall space with floor to ceiling mirrors. If I wanted to look at myself, I sure wouldn't want it to be when I'm in workout clothes with sweat dripping from every pore in my skin.

...that you play bubblegum pop crap on the speakers so loudly that I can't use my own mp3 -- 'cause I'd have to turn it up so loud to be heard over your crap that I'd probably blow out my eardrums.

...that you don't keep the water fountain cold enough in an effort to push us to buy your ice cold bottled water.

...that the instructor, when showing the class the 'wimpy' way NOT to do the workout, always looks right. at. me. And then a couple of people giggle.

‎...that someone else always migrates during the class too close to me, and when we wind up bumping, looks at me like it was my fault, then turns to their friend and rolls her eyes. I can tell by where I set down my water bottle and sweat rag that I was moving out of your way, bitch -- not the other way around.

‎...that a fat, white middle aged woman trying to do salsa moves and hip circles when her body wasn't built that way looks 1,000 times dorkier than a fat, brown middle aged woman trying the same moves.

...that I never fail to wear the exact opposite of every single woman in the room -- if I'm in shorts, they all wore long sweats -- if I wear long ones, they are all in shorts. I'm serious -- every single one of them.

‎..that there is seldom another woman as large as me in any given class -- and never anyone larger.

...that I have to go right from class dripping sweat so badly that two inches of hair at the roots is soaked, right down into the sauna that is called a subway tunnel, where I drip even more sweat.

...that I'll be back again next week, 'cause you kick my butt more than I ever could my own.

1 comment:

Blythe said...

My company now has a wellness center in house. While I'm not entirely sure how the humiliation of taking intro to salsa dance with my coworkers is supposed to garner "connectivity," it was a great workout. Though I think I'll stick with running ... by myself. ;)

In all serious - good for you!