Tuesday, December 01, 2009

betcha by golly wow

I uploaded some stylistics recently, and I've been listening today.

I have to be careful about what I post on facebook. I'm linked to work people, including a department chair who is very influential. So, no whining on FB...all smiles, good to go, yessiree bob. Pile it on, I can take it.

I am so fucking mindnumbingly brain dead that I might as well be a vegetable...in a coma. I'm so exhausted that my right eyelid has started twitching -- something that has happened only rarely since the encephalitis, and only when my body has given up the ghost.

I think I've lost all hope of finishing the MFD, which means I won't get tenure when the time comes. I just don't see a way clear to getting the thing done. That means I've got five more years after this one, and then my contract won't be renewed. How the fuck do other people finish their diss while teaching full time anyway?

This semester has been so bad that I'm actually beginning to question my career choice. Just a little bit, but still...the question is beginning to nag at the back of my mind. I still love the actual teaching, but the committee work and focus on research and writing, which I can't even begin to get to, have me spinning my wheels.

I just want it to be over. And yet I don't think it will ever really be over.

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