Tuesday, September 15, 2009

to infinity and beyond

I became a grandma last month. And the little guy came a bit early and wound up in the NICU for almost a month. He's home now, though, and gaining weight nicely.

How to put into words the feelings?

The sense of life and continuity, simultaneous with the realization, hitting smack between the eyes, of one's own mortality.

How eerily he looks like my son at that age, even though he's so much tinier.

Wanting like crazy to hold him close, but he's cross country and I can't get away mid-semester.

John Lennon, Beautiful Boy

Monday, September 14, 2009

learning to live all over again

One challenge of this move has been finding a new doctor.

Actually, finding the new doc wasn't a huge challenge...it was his diagnosis when I finally met him and he ran a bunch of tests that was tough.

I have high blood pressure, and I'm diabetic -- type II. Seems I've likely been this way for years, but by health insurance standards (they look only at specific tests and specific results) I was 'borderline,' or 'pre-diabetic.'

Of course, an actual diabetes diagnosis gets you much more aggressive treatment than 'borderline' does, so I never really took it seriously. Till this doc told me my blood glucose was >500 and the sugar in my urine was so bad that I had a UTI that I hadn't even noticed, and that there was evidence of problems with kidney functioning. After he threw around terms like diabetic coma and future dialysis, I was sufficiently impressed (read: terrified).

So now I'm on avandamet 2/500 twice a day (and micardis hct), and my life is even more chaotic than it used to be. Now I have to figure out how to eat small, healthy meals every few hours instead of the one or two large, totally unhealthy meals I used to do. And I have to try to take my meds twelve hours apart, at the same times every day.

Both of these challenges are proving to be... well... challenging! My work schedule just doesn't allow for small regular meals, or even for taking meds at the same times. And whatever is in that avandamet, damn! If I overeat, or eat really unhealthy stuff, I get very sick.

I know that they say this whole thing is about a lifestyle change, but until you actually have to change a lifestyle that's 20 years in the making, you just don't realize how difficult it is, what a huge impact it has on everyday living.

What to eat becomes a major focus of your day, even more so than it did when you ate fast food. Not too much sugar or other bad carbs, the more refined the worse, veggies and protein are your friends. Except that I hate most veggies, so I keep getting stuck with the same ones till I'm going nuts. Then I blow it and eat something horrible and feel sick all night.

Sigh. I've purchased all kinds of pots and pans and knives and small appliances to make cooking for myself more appetizing than eating out. Little forays into things like sauteeing shrimp and throwing it over angel hair pasta have been good.

Of course, cooking for one adds an additional challenge to the mix. Because of course, I don't like leftovers either, lol, so I don't want to cook too much food.

I've also ordered a special pair of sneakers so that I can exercise -- at least walk -- which I haven't been doing because of pain and numbness in my toes. Oh yeah, that's another symptom of diabetes, for those who don't know. Has to do with circulation. If it doesn't improve, I could lose those toes ten years from now.

But hey, no stress...no stress at all.

Chill out...what I'm tryin' to do...

(photo taken at ft. tryon park)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

In which I finally take the old apartment key off the chain

God, I haven't written here in forever. Well, for a good six months anyway. Didn't know if I ever would again. Don't think anyone even reads this anymore. Oh well. I always said I wrote for me, not for others, so it shouldn't bother me if no one comes around, right?

Almost four months into the new apartment. It's still hard to believe I'm here. Today I spent two hours at the laundromat and the rest of the afternoon at home running around in a peasant shirt and panties.

It isn't as though I spend all my time hanging around the apartment, though. Yesterday I spent a cool two hours at the Frick, and then popped by Macy's Herald Square to pick up a set of cooking pots. They were on sale and I had a coupon, so I paid about $130 for the set.

Last weekend I did one of the tours at the tenement museum. And I bought one of these deals on facebook and will do it on one of the upcoming three-day weekends.

So I'm loving the hell out of the city -- the stuff to do, having this place right across the street, having everything I need literally around the corner from my apartment, the half-hour commute to work instead of 1.5 hours.

But hell...I lived in my last place for 11 years -- that's longer than I've lived anywhere else in my entire life, including childhood. So even though I didn't love the hell out of the place, it was still hard to take the key off my key chain.

You know what I mean?

(photo mine, taken at ft. tryon)