Monday, March 10, 2008

if you don't know me by now, you will never, never, never know me

And today was my teaching observation. Did I mention that my observer was the department chair? And she's on the promotion and tenure committee? No stress there, no stress at all.

It's the strangest, most surreal feeling to be standing in front of class, teaching away, and wondering what that person is thinking about little things you say or do. What did you forget to say, what did you say that you shouldn't have said, what did you say incorrectly? What they are writing when they take notes constantly? I don't know how I did, and won't find out until she writes up the results and meets with me to go over them. I do know I was very nervous, and I'm certain it showed.

And that on top of the MFD proposal had left me pretty much sleepless for days. So after work, after the observation, I hopped on the subway to head home, put the very best of simply red on the zen, and promptly fell asleep. I mean hard asleep, as in mouth open, and waking up wondering if I'd possibly been snoring. And briefly peeking out the window to check the street stop, then falling back asleep. In and out of sleep I went for the entire 45 minute ride to the train.

And then home, where I had two bowls of cocoa krispies for dinner. I'd be a happy camper if I could eat cocoa krispies for dinner every day.

If I said I was utterly exhausted, would it sound like I was whining? 'Cause I really am trying not to. Whine that is. But I am exhausted.

I fucking love simply red. And this is one of my all-time fav songs.

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