Let's give her a new job, complete with regular evaluations and multiple hoops to jump through for tenure.
Let's give her a dissertation to complete, with unending rewrites and a 20 minute powerpoint presentation to prepare for the actual defense, and a fourth, outside reader who isn't available for defense day which results in rescheduling the previously scheduled defense and means that now five faculty must come up with a mutual defense date that doesn't interfere with anyone's teaching schedule.
Let's give her a rugrat who is in a serious case of senioritis and is in danger of not graduating due to attendance.
Let's give her just enough salary to make said rugrat completely ineligible for federal Pell grants for college despite not even tipping the scale at $50,000 annually in New York.
But that's not all.
No, that's not all.
Let's give her the flu, and start with chest congestion so thick that she'll feel like she's vomiting when trying to cough it out to avoid potential pneumonia setting in, and a throat so raw that each cough becomes excruciating, and then add in sinuses so full that even her gums and teeth ache, and let's give it to her on a holiday when she's supposed to be grading papers and working on her MFD but can't stay awake with the meds long enough to get anything meaningful done.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Our work here is done.
(photo mine, lunar eclipse)