I've been sitting here this evening thinking about the one thing that I try to avoid thinking about at all costs. My mind touches on it occasionally, more often as I grow older, but I do my best to move away from it immediately, before the thought moves deeper.
But this time, tonight, right this moment, I can't seem to move my mind past it, over it, around it, through it.
Perhaps it's that I'm more agnostic, bordering on atheistic, that makes death so difficult to contemplate. To me, it's the end. The end of existence of any kind, way, shape, form.
To cease to be.
I sit here in front of the telly, and my mind keeps freezing on the thought of simply ceasing to exist.
My heart beats fast.
My body goes weak.
My head swirls.
And everything inside me seems to drop to my feet.
And out of me.
And utter terror fills me.