Saturday, March 10, 2007

is it time to face the facts?

I got the 'thanks but no thanks' letter today from the 4 year college I interviewed with on valentine's day.

And the senior vp of the junior college that I interviewed with yesterday didn't seem particularly positive. First, although the department chair had led me to believe that it wouldn't be a problem coming on as an assistant prof in september as long as I had defended the diss in august, the svp had a differing viewpoint. Seems they've given that option to a few faculty who then haven't followed through with the degree, so they are reticent to try again. They prefer that the degree be conferred prior to them making an offer, not prior to me beginning work.

But she also pointed out something else that was lacking in my cv. I know I'm short on publications, because hell, I can't do everything all at once -- work, teaching, and the diss have been overwhelming. But she also noted that despite my wonderful record of professional development, there's been nothing since starting my current position. Prof dev would be the conferences, paper presentations, committees, things like that.

There are two problems with that: one, my job requires that I be on site to respond to data requests, and two, the social work field is outside of the institutional research field, so I'd have to plan and pay for things myself, and do it on my vacation time. That just hasn't been a financial possibility in my current position.

So, I'll know this week if the junior college position is mine, but I'm definitely not holding my breath. I am going to be in this job for another year. I'm finding it more disappointing than I'd expected. I know I have no right to be disappointed, as I have a perfectly good job, but it isn't what I want to do forever. And now I would have to wait another year for a potential teaching position, and that's assuming there will be some openings locally.

And I tried to get a course assigned as an adjunct for next fall, but they were already set, so I won't be teaching again anytime soon.

Do you suppose that this is karma's, or fate's way of telling me that teaching wasn't where I was supposed to go with this? If it is, then maybe fate should fill me in on just what the fuck I should be doing...and don't fucking say that it's exactly what I'm doing now, or I might just...

Well, if I don't get the junior college position, I suppose that means the pressure to have the diss done in August can ease up just a little bit. I need to go through the motions, though, and write the thank you letter for the svp. I'll do my best to sell myself through that, and I'll fax it Tuesday morning, 'cause it won't get there in time for their decision if I mail it.

I'm really in a bit of a low place emotionally right now. It's interfering with my diss work tonight, and blowing any semblance of good eating...I just finished an entire fucking pizza. Now my stomach hurts, and I feel like crying. I think I'll go have one of the coronas still sitting in my fridge from new year's -- if my stomach has any more room in it -- and watch breakfast at tiffanys.

6 comments:

infinitesimal said...

Say a prayer?

couldn't hurt.

WistfulWench said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you....

jenny14 said...

Spring

Perhaps the karma is saying:

"Get that fucking diss. done!"

- at least then , there will be one less pressure in your life :) and the Colleges won't be able to use that as an excuse, not to mention, it may actually help you get that job you want

Jenny

Anonymous said...

i agree with Jenny
Karma....don't relax
work just as hard on that Dis!

Sorry about the other job and not
getting it, i'll keep my fingers crossed for this other one!

lostsoul

Anonymous said...

i agree with Jenny
Karma....don't relax
work just as hard on that Dis!

Sorry about the other job and not
getting it, i'll keep my fingers crossed for this other one!

lostsoul

Spring said...

Thanks, everyone! I'm fairly certain that if I were their top pick, they would have started calling my references by now. They wanted the decision made this week.

Ah well. I won't be teaching next year.