Wednesday, July 12, 2006

no more words

Rugrat and I are not speaking to each other. I'd like to say it's all her, but I lost control and called her a name, so it's both of us.

Monday night, I came home from work/gym about 7:30, and she wasn't home, but she had cleaned the living room before she left. I was pleased that she'd done it without me nagging, and called her to say so and to ask where she was.

'I'm just down the street at H***'s, mom.'

OK, fine, just down the street. So at a bit after midnight, I call her and tell her to come home, and she begs for more time, and says again she's just down the street as a way to get more time out of me (the closer to home she is, the better I feel).

I tell her only till 12:45. She grumps, but accepts. She's not home by 1, so I call again. I get the same 'I'm just down the street at H***'s' argument for staying out later, but I tell her in no uncertain terms that I want her home now as I want to go to bed and can't if she's out somewhere (not just because I worry, but the kid can't hang onto a door key to save her life and I have to leave the front door unlocked for her).

No show.

At 1:30 I call her again, really letting her have it, and demand she come home right now! Then she lets me have it -- I'm in T****, and my ride home isn't here yet. Now, T*** is about four villages away, up the river, and she can only get there by train, car, or bus. And she knows she's supposed to ask before she goes, and have back up transportation plans. And, she ignored two trains home during my calls to her while she waited for her 'ride.'

So, I lost it. She'd lied continuously all night about where she was, I was exhausted and couldn't go to sleep, and I let loose...called her a fucking little liar. Told her I was hanging up because I was so angry I didn't want to talk to her right then. And I hung up.

I dozed restlessly until I heard her come in. I think it was around 3 am.

In the morning, I left her a note: don't leave the house, and clean your room. When I got home, her bf was there, and she wasn't talking to me. We tried a couple of times, but we're both too angry. She, of course, is mad that I called her a name and is using that to abdicate any responsibility for the lies she told and how late she got home.

I had to leave her a note again this morning: clean her room and wash the dishes, and don't leave the house without calling me and asking first.

I really, really hate not speaking with the only other person living in my home.


A Good Knights Journey said...

STOP leaving the notes. Thats enabling her to issue a silent treatment. If she doesnt want to talk, thats her issue. You have the right to speak TO her, and you must. she broke a trust, not once, but multiple times that night. leaving notes is putting the guilt on you, and thats not ehere it needs to be. apologize for calling her the name, and then speak to her. wether she responds back is her isue not yours.


Curious_2b_sub said...

Ugh... see this is why I'm dreading the upcoming few years... teenagers.

Good luck.


velvet acid tongue said...

on your part an admission, that name calling may not have been the best way to communicate your disappointment and hurt-ness, to her may break the ice ...? just thinking out loud here.

and as has been said, the ball would be in her court.

i remember being that age or maybe a tad younger and my mum really getting the message thru about why she flipped out so big time about lies and deception. it had not occurred to me the hurt feelings she felt when i pulled stupid stunts involving lies.

sorry to ramble ...

Spring said...

Thanks everyone! It's gotten better, we are talking now.

I did apologize for what I said, but she still wants to minimize the impact of her lying so outrageously. She just knows she's wrong and doesn't want to face it -- she's been there before, and no doubt will be again.

This is actually the first time that we haven't worked things out that same day, or at least the next morning. It was pretty eerie walking around in the same house with another person, neither of us speaking to the other. *shudders*

curious, it's much worse with girls than with boys, at least in my experience. Probably because girls are socialized to express their feelings, and boys to keep them in. But I never went through all the hormonal/emotional stuff with my son. In fact, I can remember only one time when he 'broke down,' and that was when his first real girlfriend dumped him (he was 13, she 15).

jenny14 said...


Unfortunately 3 AM , and being a concerned parent is not a good recipe for calm - I know you hav emade up but that is one way to express it

The important thing , as you said, is she knows she was wrong - hopefully she will also have learnt


Poppy Buxom said...

I'm remembering the stunts I got up to as a teenager, and they were some stunts, but if I had stayed out 'til 3:00 and lied about it ... well, I think I wouldn't be here typing this right now. :D

So maybe having a very strict parent wasn't the worst thing in the world? Sure felt like it at the time, though.

I hope things get lots better for you--and rugrat learns a lesson!

Spring said...

jenny, yes, the whole worrying thing as a parent is the worst!

poppy, welcome to my blog. I sort of got away with a lot when I was a kid, cause I had a totally clueless mom. But because I did just about everything as a teen, I know exactly what my kids are doing out there, lol. And the funny thing is, am the strict parent among those of her friends. Go figure.