I had to call the egg donor for mother's day. Here's a portion of our conversation:
Me: I love the city, when **** goes off to college, I plan on finding a roommate and moving into the city.
Her: Why not have me be your roommate, we could live together?
Her: Is that a no?
Her: Well we're both adults now, so it wouldn't be like it was when you were a kid, you know.
Me: Well, the problem with that is when I find someone I'm serious about and want to move in with them, it'll leave you in a too-expensive apartment without a roommate, in the big bad city that scares you so much. (an attempt to change the conversation without actually saying 'no' to her)
Her: Why would you want to do that?
Me: Do what?
Her: Get serious with someone.
Me: Why wouldn't I?
Her: Because then when you separate, it can be very horrible.
Me: So I shouldn't be with someone because we "might" separate? Yeah, that makes sense. And if there is a separation, why does it have to be horrible?
Her: Because that's just the way it is. And the legalities of ending the marriage are expensive.
Me: Whoa, who said I would get married? I won't get married, I'll live with them. I have no intention of getting legally married. Marriage has no meaning for me beyond a religious/legal ceremony.
Her: How can you do that, without marriage. Marriage means much more than just a religious ceremony. Marriage means commitment. (said by the woman who's been married three times)
Me: The legality of marriage has nothing at all to do with commitment. Have you seen the divorce rate statistics lately? People have better odds of staying together if they don't get married.
Her: Well, you still have the separation. And I've seen some non-married couples in very bitter separations.
Me: Back to the imminent separation again...so you think I should avoid any relationship just because of the potential for separation. Well I've got news for you -- I have no intention of living the rest of my life alone for fear of a relationship ending. And I plan to spend a good part of the rest of my life with someone. All I'm waiting for is **** to grow up and then it's my turn.
So, my recent suspicions were confirmed by the egg donor. She had hoped all along that when my youngest left the nest, she'd be moving in with me. Two old maids, sharing a place. And she would actually stoop so low as to try to talk me out of having a relationship to get what she wanted. As if I could live with her after everything she did to me when I was but a babe. It makes me shudder, makes me nauseous, to even think about it. What kind of dream world does she live in, anyway?