Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I've felt it the past few months. It feels different. What is 'it'? Everything.
For an entire year, there was flow:
"Flow is a mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity." (wikipedia)
That was it. I had flow. Immersed in my exploration of the lifestyle. I was completely focused. Action and awareness merged. Time stood still, while I reveled in my explorations, my epiphanies.
But time didn't really stand still, did it? Life continued. And over the last couple of months, life has disrupted that flow. Finances, illness, verbal assaults...the river's current has been dammed.
Even my blogging no longer flows. It is different. Indescribable, but I feel it. There is an emptiness inside, that must be filled. But how? I am stalled, lost, rudderless, without flow.