Saturday, December 17, 2005

failure

That's what was in my mind those few days
when I took that nose dive

Defies logic, but there it is

I'd worked so hard
Come so far
But I made it
Self supporting
Taking care of the rugrat
Living comfortably
Albeit somewhat simply
Nearly done with school
Embarking soon on a new career
I didn't even care
That I worked two jobs to make it
It IS New York, after all
Everyone works two jobs to make it

Hell...I was making it in New York, for fuck's sake

And then, the shit hit the fan
And then, everything went south
And then, I wasn't making it anymore
And then, I was a failure

I had taken two big steps forward
And then fell
Hard
One huge step backward

A series of seemingly random incidents
That added up to...breakdown, crash, collapse

In my mind, I was a failure

And it hit me hard

All I could do was focus on that huge fall backward

I couldn't seem to see
That I was still one big step ahead
Of where I started out

But my mind is clear now
The initial devastation
And hopelessness
Gone

And I see the step forward
And that's what I need to focus on

One step forward

One step forward

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